i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
