im having a threesome with these popsicles
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Randomize
