Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Randomize
