im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
And then he peed in my hair
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
