that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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