Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Randomize
