1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
