So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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