I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Randomize
