oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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