i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
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