I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize