We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
