the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Randomize
