I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
It was confusing and full of hummus
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Randomize
