sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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