Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
