you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize