We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
