Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Come back. Shots need mouths.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
