hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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