In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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