I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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