do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize