no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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