Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
