I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
