the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
