i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
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