Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
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