i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
