literally had 100 drinks last night.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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