How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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