also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Randomize
