I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
