We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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