you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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