I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
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