I smell stomach acid.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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