At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
