chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Randomize
