I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize