forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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