whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
