my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
