OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
