I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Randomize
