I just made out with a guy for $7.
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
