I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
