There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
