The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
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