Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
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