I only kidnapped one of them. chill
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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