When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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