A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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