So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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