shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
