I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
