your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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