The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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