i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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