1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
