I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Randomize
