i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
