omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
